Rodger's Russia

November 29, 2011 Ten reasons why Russian elections are better than American elections

The election for the Duma is next week. The Duma is sort of like the American House of Representatives, but with much less corruption and far less independence.
The election is a lot better to sit through than American election for several reasons.
1. It’s short. The election is next week and last month the campaigns had not even started.
2. It’s polite and calm. Russians are not in agreement with me on this one. They used to enjoy the televised political debates because they all included loud nasty insults being shouted back and forth and occasionally included fist fights. They miss that. However, only parties approved by the Kremlin are allowed to participate now and they know that if they make too much noise, their approval will evaporate, so courtesy prevails.
3. It doesn’t interfere with prime time television. Most parties can’t afford television ads and the ruling party doesn’t have to run them.
4. No one campaigns for “gay rights”, “understanding for transgender individuals” or “gay” marriage. Homosexuality is ignored in Russia as long as you do it in private, and it is totally legal, but no one is going to court the queer vote. Like most Americans, I am suffering mightily from Homo-fatigue – I’m not “phobic”, just tired of hearing about it – so this is a relief.
5. None of the candidates claims to have talked to GOD before he ran. Any candidate who claimed that he consulted God or had a prayer meeting before making a decision would be quietly led away.
6. Parties are not allowed to show pictures or caricatures of their opponents in the ads. In Russia, politicians do not give up their rights to privacy when they run. In specific, a politician has the same rights to his own image as all other citizens have and you cannot use it without his permission. It keeps off the air those stupid ads in which clips containing phrases taken out of context are rigged and blasted onto the airwaves.
7. Not one male politician has been disqualified because he asked for a date or made a pass at a woman. Male politicians are expected to be men and are not criticized for it. They are even allowed to have girl friends.
8. Since the parties are not allowed to actually criticize or really disagree with the current government, some of the platforms get very silly. Of course, every party claims it will oppose United Russia and end corruption – and then they vote 100% with United Russia after the elections. However, two of the smaller parties are running on a platform promising to re-establish the USSR. They claim that all the countries that spit off from Russia really didn’t want to go and are just waiting for a strong Russian government to reunite them. I guess reality checks are no more common here than they are in Obama’s campaigns.
9. It provides a lot of unintended humor.
For instance, the mayor of one city ordered all of the businesses that had city contracts to collect signed blank absentee ballots from all of their employees and turn them into the city to be filled out. The businesses complied, but called the newspapers. When questioned, the mayor said with a straight face that he was just concerned that those who could not get to the polls would not lose their right to vote – and he kept all of the ballots.
In another city, the mayor called in the Orthodox priests in the area and “suggested” that they support United Russia (Putin’s party) from the pulpit. The priests suggested that he put his suggestion where the sun don’t shine and called the newspapers. When questioned, the mayor said he hadn’t done anything illegal, because it was “only a suggestion.”
In Moscow, one political party tried to run ads in the Metros that read “Don’t vote for vegetables, vote for us.” (Referring to the fact that the Duma has been a rubber stamp for Putin). The same day, the manager of the Metro “discovered” that there was a rule against political advertising in the subway – an unknown rule that no one had seen before that day – and all of the ads were removed.
Yesterday, A Just Russia (a liberal party opposing Putin) tried to purchase advertising time on television. Their advertisements and every other ad from every party except United Russia were ordered off the air by the Commissioner of Elections – who has absolutely no authority over advertising. His reasoning was that ads that were “extreme or fostered hatred” were illegal in Russia. For instance, the ad that A Just Russia tried to run pointed out that the ruling party had raised utility bills faster than it had raised pensions, and the commissioner said that it could “foster hatred against the people who raised utility bills.”
And then there was my favorite “foot deeply in the mouth” moment in Sochi. The head of A Just Russia made a speech a few weeks ago in which he called United Russia “a party of thieves and crooks”. A few days later his party placed ads on several marshutkas in town proclaiming “Don’t’ vote for crooks and thieves, vote for us!”
When Putin saw the signs during a trip to Sochi, they were immediately ordered removed from the marshutkas, the drivers of the marshutkas were fined for “accepting illegal advertising” and A Just Russia was told that if they wanted their advertising money back they could damned well sue. When questioned about why the ads were illegal, the mayor of Sochi said that advertising insulting or denigrating to the other parties was illegal in Russia and “any ad criticizing ‘crooks and thieves’ was obviously insulting to Putin’s party.” I kid you not. He said it in front of the cameras.
10. Finally, you don’t have to wait until the polls close, or even to when they open, to know the results of the election.