August 1, 2010 You Might Live In A Village If…

Posted in Rodger's Russia Book | Posted by rodger |


You might live in village if – there is a major information resource that people trust more than the internet, the Encyclopedia Britannica, Einstein and the Evening News. This resource, whose decisions and wisdom can never be questioned, is “Everyone Knows”


Mother says -“Rodger, I don’t want to use the washing machine. EVERONE KNOWS that they use too much water”

I say, uselessly, -“Tell me how they use more water by filling a small washer tub than you do running water while you are rinsing each piece.”

Mother says, “But EVERYONE KNOWS that they do.”

Rodger says “How much is your water bill?”

Mother says, “About one dollar a month.”

Rodger says, “Here’s 12 dollars. If your bill doubles, you are good for a year”

Mother says, “But EVERYONE KNOWS that it’s bad to use too much water.”

To understand the depth of EVERYONE KNOWS, you have to realize that mother is not dumb. She is a retired school teacher with a slightly higher than average intelligence. She is just in a small village with no room for large minds.

Larisa caught a nasty case of bronchitis this year, and, not wishing to be selfish, passed it on too me and mother.

Mother says, “You have to stop using the air conditioner. EVERYONE KNOWS it makes you sick!

Rodger says “200 million Americans use air conditioning all summer long and our hospitals are not full yet. You lived in my house with air-conditioning for three months and you didn’t get sick”.

Mother does not look convinced. So, next day:

Mother says, “It’s because your houses are bigger than our apartments. It makes you sick here because the apartment is small!”

Rodger says, “We use air conditioning in tiny little cars every day and we don’t get sick and people in motor homes smaller than your living room don’t get sick.”

Mother thinks a minute and says, “The germs are different! Russian germs live in cold air and make you sick!”

My wife, a certified MD now agrees with her. It’s catching.

EVERYONE KNOWS always wins, no matter what!

In fact one moronic Russian morning show even had “experts” on to testify that they had found mysterious germs in Chinese made air conditioners that multiplied in the cold and made everyone sick. No one else has seen these Chinese only germs, but EVERYONE KNOWS.

It gets better, day by day.

Mother says,”Rodger, we are using too much electricity. We have the washing machine, the microwave, the water pump, and the televisions. Are we going to hurt the electricity lines?”

Rodger, unable to explain electrical loads to mother, says “No. There is plenty of electricity and if you did try to use too much, the fuse would blow. You can’t hurt anything.”

Mother says, “(The old Communist) EVERYONE KNOWS that it is not good for the country if you use too much electricity!”

There is NO way to convince mother that this county is now a capitalism and that there is plenty of power available, and that the now private power company wants to sell you more. Everyone Knows is too hard to beat.

The next day –

Mother, dusting the window sill. “All that electricity is making the house too dusty. That’s why everyone is sick!. Everyone knows that electricity attracts dust and we are using way too much electricity and it is making the house dusty.”

Rodger ” “.Why say anything.

When my mother taught me to use a washing machine, she said to separate out the darks from the lights to keep the dye from bleeding. Several years later, I learned to sort out some wash and wear items for the non-wrinkle cycle.

Everyone Knows, that I am 4 or 5 divisions too short. In Russia, the clothes are washed according to the rule of “how dirty is it”, and everyone knows the divisions.

Two days after we installed the washing machine, I ran across my wife washing her underwear in the bathtub. Being a rational and calm male, I sweetly asked, “What the Hell? We just put in a washing machine.”

She said “Everyone Knows that you can’t wash women’s underwear with other things. They are just too dirty!” Apparently women’s panties are the bottom rung, usually washed by hand because there are not enough of them to make a washer load and they are too dirty to associate with more respectable clothing.

There is also the story that EVERYONE KNOWS about the wife whose husband tossed his fungus infected socks into the washer with his wives panties and gave her a fungus infection. Of course, that isn’t scientifically possible, but Everyone Knows, so it is fact.

Next up the ladder are men’s shirts and underwear. They are washed together, just before men’s pants and socks, which everyone knows are number three up the ladder of dirty.

Everyone knows that women clothes, blouses and skirts, are next to the cleanest load and get done together.

The cleanest load of all is the linen. Bed sheets, tablecloths, pillow cases, towels and so on are so naturally clean that I wonder why they wash them at all.

Now I understand why Russians make washing machines with loads as low as 7 pounds. When you make all those divisions, the loads get pretty small.

But, Everyone Knows that’s how you do it, and like a Supreme Court decision, there is no appeal.

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