February 23, 2009 Love, Russian Style

Posted in Rodger's Russia Book | Posted by rodger |

I’m singing in the rain, singing in rain, and I’m haaapy agaaain! Why an I happy? Because when it rains, it’s too warm for your ears to freeze off and too warm for ice on the ground. Love rain. Speaking of love…..

Love, Russian Style

Mother in law, Elvira, just lost her boyfriend.

She deserved it. He has been chasing her for a year and she was still resisting. Nikolay was the man who purchased our apartment in downtown Prochlodney. When he saw mother, it was love, or like, or something, at first sight.

Personally, I just think that he was just after a young chick. He was 71and she is still a spry 68 years old, with a figure like a well filled beer barrel and bright red hair. She is also as shy as a hungry lion, as soft spoken as a fog horn, and a damned good cook.

He expressed an interest right away and invited her to dinner and found any excuse to see her. When his feelings really got serious, he opened his refrigerator and showed her it was full of food. That’s courting, Russian style.

Anybody out there laughing has never missed a meal.

If you’ve ever gone a day or so without being able to eat, you don’t need an explanation about the refrigerator, and if you haven’t had the experience, you will never understand it.

She refused to commit to anything, but kept seeing him often enough so that he invited her to select the family potatoes with him in the fall. This is a serious family custom around here. Every fall, the family members get together and sample potatoes from the bazaar. They purchase a few from each grower, take them home and cook them. Then they get together to evaluate the potatoes and decide how much they will purchase from each grower to get through the winter. This was just too much commitment for Elvira, so Nikolay drifted away and eventually found another girl friend in St. Petersburg.

Most of the world outside of America and Europe has gone through hard times in recent memory. Russians have seen the shortages of socialism, months without paychecks, then the crazy times of the early 90’s, the total devaluation of their money, and if they are old enough, the starvations of WWII and its aftermath.

Russian woman are not lacking in romance, love, or sex drive, but the best single thing that a man can say is “I can take care of you and our children.” The second best thing is “I won’t get real drunk and hit anyone.” For a Russian man, the most important thing that a Russian woman can say is, if course, “yes”, but the next most important thing would be “I own an apartment.”

We’ve already talked about how Singles ads are different here, for the women, anyway.

The average men’s ad is the same all over the world, “Short potbellied, pock marked, couch potato wants gorgeous skinny younger woman who is a good enough actress to convince him that he is a great lover.”

However, the woman’s are different here. You’ve all read the singles ads in America. We all do. It makes us appreciate the fact that we don’t have to place one.

The most popular single phrase in American women’s ads is “make me laugh”. The typical ad is “Wanted, younger man to sweep me away on the back of his Harley to walk hand in hand on beautiful beaches and enjoy fine dining. Be my best friend, share my girly secrets. Make my life beautiful. Friendship first, possibly something else later.” Yep, it really does read “Be Zorro, ride up on your white charger, sweep me up in your black cape and fulfill all of my Opra-driven fantasies – and don’t you dare hint that you want what we both want, because I’m not that kind of girl!”

Here in the real world, marriage is important. It has love and sex, and, more important it makes you a team to get through a difficult world. No one is ashamed of wanting to be married. If you try one of those psychobabble lines like “You have to learn to live on your own first before you can actually love someone else”, you will get the blank stare that you richly deserve.

A typical ad from a Russian woman reads, “Wanted, a kind man, not too much older than me, to love, and care for, and raise a family with.”

On the good side, Russian women still do not consider “wife” a derogatory job description. They generally cook for their husbands (food that has never seen a freezer or a microwave), wash and IRON the clothes, clean the house, worry about how their husbands look when they leave the house, and change the diapers.

Pre-menopausal women wear makeup every day, skirts when the weather allows, high heels, and clothes that match.

And you still wonder why American men respond to Russian women?

Sounds good don’t it. Would be, too, if the average Russian man didn’t drink more than the average fish, and if the average Russian women didn’t define “care for’ as telling her husband what to eat, drink, wear, and do, respectfully, of course. Since most, but definitely not all, men here are drunk a lot, the women have gotten used to running things while the drunken sot sleeps it off. Women describe it as, “The man is the head of the household, but the woman is the neck, and she points the head to what she wants it to see.”

If you do marry a Russian woman, I suggest flowers, candy, and a straight jacket.

Oh, mother has a new boy friend, but he isn’t getting any cuddling either. A new man moved into the apartment below hers. He comes up and fixes things for her and she often fixes food for him. Sometimes they eat together when we kids aren’t in town. He likes Elvira a lot, but he will never get anywhere with her. Whenever he takes her anywhere, he lets her pay him 10 rubles for gas. That kills his chances. Russian women are also smart enough to avoid cheapskates.

One Response to "February 23, 2009 Love, Russian Style"

  1. TG30o6 It as difficult to find experienced people about this topic, but you sound like you know what you are talking about! Thanks

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